Six pillars of a good life
As we get ready to step into a new year, full of fresh possibilities, I’m sharing a few thoughts on the six areas of life that are important to consider when making resolutions and setting goals.
If we want to create lasting change, upgrade our happiness and outlook on life, and show up as our best selves, these are the things to focus on: Mind + Body + Spirit + Work + Play + Connection.
These areas of our lives work together to uphold our efforts and amplify our success. Putting too much emphasis on any one area can actually undermine what we’re trying to accomplish (prioritizing exercise over sleep or using it to avoid problems at work, for example).
Let’s take a look at each individually, and see how closely they are woven together to create the balance and ease we all crave.
MIND
Our minds create our worlds. And a positive outlook on life can be a powerful force. So taking a look at our inner dialog is a place I like to start.
How often are we using negative filters to see our own worth, the value of our work, or even review our day with our loved ones?
Are we always starting with critique, emphasizing what could be done better?
Instead, an attitude of appreciation, looking for the best in others and ourselves, creates more of what we want. (There’s a time and a place for a healthy review, but many of us have adopted it as a lifestyle.)
So what can we do differently in the new year to support a more positive outlook and a better attitude with those we interact with daily?
Perhaps a new routine at the end of the day, to close out “work stuff” and prepare for time spent communing with others.
Perhaps a tweak to our morning routine, in order to set an upbeat intention for the day before too many negative thoughts can even creep in.
Or making a decision to cut something out of our lives, big or small, that is no longer serving us, for no other reason than to lighten our load so we can be happier and smile more.
BODY
I looove working with clients who want to take on new routines and habits in order to feel better in their bodies.
Our bodies are our temples! And what we do with and to our physical selves determines much of how functional our lives are, at work, in relationship to others, and on a spiritual/mental/emotional level.
However, for most of us this is a double-edged sword. If we focus too much on “improving” ourselves physically we can end up swirling in an endless cycle of a negative self-talk and guilt and inaction.
The first step in getting in shape, or getting fit, or loosing weight (no! please don’t make this a goal!) is NOT joining the gym, committing to a new online workout regime, or vowing to never eat a carb again.
To make real and lasting change in our bodies we must take a radical view of ourselves and ACCEPT what we see exactly as we are.
Oh how we avoid this! It’s painful, it’s ugly, it’s excruciating. We all want to jump on the self-improvement bandwagon and look outside of ourselves for the answers.
But the key, the answers, will continue to elude us until we let go and settle into the reality of what is.
Taking the next step as LOVING what is, well that’s a topic for another time. (HEART!)
So, for 2024, how about something like this:
I will wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, and look into my eyes and say: I love you, just the way you are. Every damn day.
Let that be enough.
Let yourself cry if you need to. Let yourself do it even when you don’t mean it. Let yourself look into those eyes and tap into something deeper, something that’s been neglected and abused for far too long.
The physical changes will come. But this is a better place to start.
(Also: Do me a favor and make getting hydrated your number one goal for 2024, will ya?)
SPIRIT
When it comes to the realm of the spirit, many of us can go our whole lives pretty darn disconnected.
Some of us spend a little time in prayer or meditation on a regular basis. Some of us get down on our knees when things go wrong. Or like a bolt of lightning Spirit can hit us over the head with synchronicities, signs or even a flood of emotion.
But a lot of times we put it off. We don’t want to feel so deeply because it can be a distraction, it can make us feel vulnerable around other people, or we don’t think we have time for it. In western culture, we pack our schedules so much and judge how we spend out time against things like productivity, our task list, our inbox, or our bottom line.
I’d like to challenge you to rethink this narrative.
What if spirit was THE most important part of our lives.
What if this is the entire reason for our existence. Maybe in the new year, a good thing to prioritize isn’t what you do, but how you do it.
Consider this: Gratitude is one of the fastest way to Spirit.
Gratitude doesn’t have to be writing thank you notes, or giving lip service to the idea by saying a trite “thank you” to everyone for everything. it doesn't have to involve saying Grace around the dinner table if your family isn’t into that.
No one around you needs to know. But your gratitude can have an amazing impact on them anyway.
Often, it’s not comfortable to spend time in the presence of our own spirituality. The secret inner world of our heart. The naked underbelly of our emotions. The guilt that comes up. The discomfort of being alone with ourselves.
But we can keep things simple. We can start with gratitude.
WORK
They say if you love what you do you it doesn’t feel like “work” at all. That may be true, but most of us toil away at jobs that aren’t all peaches and cream. It doesn’t always feel like we’re floating around fulfilling our life’s purpose and never get worn out or stressed out by it. Sometimes (often) we aren’t getting paid what we’re worth. Or the demands are coming in from all directions and we don’t have the support we need. Maybe things have just gotten a little dull. This can be it’s own form of torture.
If we aren’t feeling the spark at work that we all deserve to, it might be time to reassess. I like to talk my coaching clients through my “big and small” exercise.
The first is step is to take a close view at the day to day.
Where are things feeling stuck, icky, or heavy?
In this step we find a way to unravel the moments in the work day that are causing grief. Is it relationships at work. Is it the workload itself? Are there just too many pressures out side of work that making it difficult to show up for your work as your best self? Do you feel seen at work? Are you speaking up when you need to, and letting things go that are out of your control?
This is like an inventory. And a useful exercise to do on a regular basis. Like a quarterly review, but for your own happiness and peace of mind at work.
The second part of this exercise is taking a big step back and looking at the big picture. This part comes second because it can be a really scary thing to do—our jobs are our security, and often our identity. When we take a big step back to look at how it’s going, sometimes both of those things can feel threatened. The point isn’t to “quit your day job”, but it could be time to take a look at the real cost of your job, and also how it fits into your bigger life goals. Are you getting where you want to be? Is this the right path to be on right now, or still? Maybe it’s time to reassess, or just to reevaluate your attitude towards it and uncover the delight and the joy that’s under some of the more burdensome pieces.
Seeing things that feel heavy and stuck with a little perspective can be just the thing needed to get things moving and feeling better.
Play around with these ideas as they pertain to your job. How does it all sit with you, as we sit on the cusp of a new year? Is there anything you can change within yourself, attitude-wise? Is there anything you can change in your circumstances, things within your control?
PLAY
As a mother of a 4 year old, the idea that play is important (crucial, in fact), rings more true to me now than it did in years past. I always liked the idea that we need to find time to play and get outside our routines and our comfort zones.
But I can see now how essential it is to a sense of hope and positivity, to our healthy mindset and to our overall wellness, and to our creativity and connection to others.
Play can mean something different to each of us, and what feels like an “escape” can end up bringing more stress. I think it’s a good idea to take some time and really explore what play looks and feels like to you. And then to make time for it.
For me I’ve had to practice allowing a sense of play, like an instrument. I can’t demand that I’m good at it, when I don’t let myself have a chance to be horrible at it first, and maybe for a while.
But when I observe my daughter, and what she does for Play, when her spirit is really free and she’s not worried about what she “should” be doing or what other people think, she’s not trying to “get it right.”
Her mind is completely open and her heart is too.
What makes you feel like that? What is fun for you???
(Taking some time to dive into the world of your Inner Child is really helpful here, and really hard! But this was the ONLY way I was really able to find what’s honestly and truly playful for me. I have a talk coming up in January about this exact topic. I’d love for you to join me if you’re in the Kitsap COunty area. See details below on Creative Mornings Poulsbo.)
CONNECTION
I think this area of our life is what it’s really all about.
Who we are in relation to others is probably the biggest way we self-identify. And deep down, I believe, we all want to matter and to have a positive impact on others.
So, how are you connecting to others?
At our house, we spent the first couple years of our daughter’s life in isolation on so many levels. We’re slowly finding ways to connect with old friends on a regular basis, but also to get back to our outgoing ways by having dinner parties, being open to making new friends (which at our age takes a different kind of time, energy coordination than it used to, can any of you relate?). Plus we’re learning how to live our lives with a kid now in tow. All of which makes having a social life new and different.
Some folks berate themselves because they either spend too much time with their social life, or because they don’t give enough time to their friends. Where are you on that spectrum?
Can you let go of all that guilt this year?
If you take an honest inventory of your life, do you feel like you’re contributing positively to the world of humans around you? Perhaps you’re doing more than you give yourself credit for.
Connection doesn’t just have to be about socializing either. For you it might be your art, how you connect and contribute to the steam of life at large.
Or maybe connection means your intimate relationship. This might be your main source of connection and where you put all your time and energy. If this makes you feel balanced in other areas of your life, let this be enough! You can stop judging yourself for not returning messages from everyone within five minutes. You do you.
Connection might be found in your work.
Your weekly yoga studio practice.
Your commute when you take time to call your Grandma, or your sister.
Or a walk you take around the neighborhood just to see what’s what. Offering a smile and some real heart glow to everyone you encounter.
When we look at our lives through this lens, and clear away all the judgment and guilt, we can make the minor adjustments we need to lead happier lives, and let go of what we’ve been using to beat ourselves up.
Another note on connection: Kindness!
One way to find more meaningful connection is to lean into kindness. This note is especially for you if you currently feel like your life is very full. Make connecting with others a matter of quality, rather than quantity.
Are there friends who might need a hand, but aren’t able to ask for what they need? Offer to help. You might not feel like you have the time, but your kindness will come back to you, probably in unexpectedly wonderful ways. Believe me, it’s worth it.
When you talk to people at work, are you always bustling around letting everyone know how busy and stressed you are? Stop and ask how someone’s doing. And honestly listen to them.
Can you be more generous with yourself, your time, your resources. When you can intentionally trade a feeling of tightness and restriction, with openness and light, you can transform your life and make ripples in the lives of others around you. Tiny acts of kindness can change lives, starting with your own.
~
If you’re still reading this long blog post, I hope you found something useful here. You’re amazing, and I appreciate your readership!
For the new year, or whenever you may be reading this, just pick ONE area to work on. There’s no need to take on a giant project. The point is to be kind to ourselves and one another. With a growth mindset, and a loving open heart, anything is possible!
Yours,
Marit
