Try replacing “Should” with “Want to”

I was well into adulthood when I finally slowed down enough to realize how loud my internal monologue had gotten. I was constantly passing judgment. Playing out wildly unlikely scenarios in my head. Justifying behavior - mine and others. Criticizing - mostly myself, and most of which included the word “should.”

We’ve all heard the expression: Don’t should on yourself. 

But when it’s so automatic, and so incessant, it’s like a fish in water. I didn’t really notice it was happening. It was just the way I was. (One of my favorite phrases to pick apart with clients is “it’s just the way I am!” Definitely a red flag.)  

And though I’d lived with this banter most of my life (I like to think of the early years as mostly listening to the rhythms of the Universe and taking things in rather than having commentary on every last thing!) I finally realized it wasn’t completely out of my control. 

Especially the use of that word: Should. 

And the Shoulds can really pile up quick. 

I should take care of the sink full of dishes.

I should stop being on my phone around my kid.

I should respond to that text from my friend that I never get to see anymore. I should really be better at staying in touch. I should have sent her a birthday card. I should be a better friend. 

I should stop calling that Ex who always makes me feel like crap. 

I should do something with the training I paid for last year. I feel bad that I’m wasting that investment. 

I should look into that weird bill that I think they overcharged me for. 

I should get to bed earlier, so I can get up and exercise, so I can be more productive during the day. 

I should find a time to sit down and have that conversation with my partner that’s been festering for a while. 

I should start writing that book…

/create that course…

/plan that trip…

/quit my job. 

These Shoulds are heavy. They’re restrictive (how does it feel in your body just reading all that crap?!). They’re toxic. 

And so many of us feed ourselves a constant drip of this poisonous nonsense, all day every day. 

But I found an antidote. And it’s super simple. 

Replace the word “SHOULD” with “WANT.” 

I know you’ve probably been putting up with Shoulds for years. But I’m here to tell ya: You DON’T have to live with this noise any more. 

Go on, try it: 

I WANT to start writing my book. The creativity is bubbling up inside me and I’m yearning to get it out on paper!

I WANT to quit my job. It’s so scary to consider, but all signs have been pointing to this for a long time. I’ll start researching new positions Today. 

I WANT to take that fantasy trip, and I want to do it this year! I don’t want to wait until retirement, I want to enjoy my life starting Now. 

I WANT to start talking to my partner more, even if we take it in small bites. I want to share how I’m feeling. I want to Learn More about how they’re feeling, what their beautiful perspective is, I want to return to love and give them the benefit of doubt. I choose to trust myself, and them. 

I WANT to be more present with my family. I want less distractions on the weekends. 

I WANT to clean the house, but I won’t use it as a distraction. I want to set aside time to do chores so I can actually enjoy the process. 

I WANT to move on. 

I WANT to start now. 

I WANT to live more fully. And I don’t want to wait! 

→ This practice works wonders. And I want you to try it out yourself! I challenge you to try my Antidote for the Nasty Should’s for rest of the day, and then write me back to tell me what you think. 

Start by listening for any time you tell yourself (in your head or out loud) that you Should do anything. 

Then replace the word with Want. 

Notice how you feel. 

Practice it over and over again. It gets easier! 

This simple practice allows you to rewrite the narrative in real time. It literally rewires your brain to be more positive, more open, happier! 

For me, I started to immediately feel lighter. It turned the table on feeling like I was grasping and reaching, carrying around a giant to-do list that I could never get to the bottom of, or always letting other people down. 

Instead, it put me in a position of power.

When I frame my life in terms of what I WANT, I have the power to direct myself, my energy,  and my work towards what I want, rather than away from what I don’t want. Thoughts really do carry a magical power, and this reframing can take something that feels restrictive or stuck and give it wings! 

When I release myself from judgment, I can harness the power of radical acceptance. And use it as a springboard for manifesting the kind of life I want to live right now. Which includes:

Peace. Happiness. Joy. Mindfulness. Generosity. Gratitude. Compassion. Kindness. Abundance. Impact. Lightness. LOVE. 

By swapping out these two little words, I’m forging a new path. Instead of continuing to train my brain to beat myself up, I’m re-training it to heal. I am heading out ahead into newness, rather than staying stuck in my current situation. 

This is power. 

This is a simple way to make the next big step possible. 

Try it today. Because you Want to. :) 

With love + light, 

Marit